1.  I certainly don't have all the answers.  What works for someone doesn't mean it will work for others.  So many factors play into how each person copes, dealing with fibromyalgia.  These factors can include biological, psychological, sociological, cultural, economic and spiritual. 

Speaking only for myself, my faith in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit empowers me.  Someday I want to write a book to help others.  Well -meaning people say to make it "generic" and leave "religion" out of it.  But to me, that's not who I am.  Leaving out my faith and beliefs is like asking me not to breathe.  I do not believe that God gave me fibromyalgia.  I really, really don't like it when people say, "God won't give you more than you can handle",  as if God is up there seeing what my breaking point is.  Stuff happens.  We do not live in a perfect world or body.  Now - plastic surgery is a whole other subject.  :) 

But, let's talk about the pit or the valley.  When you hurt so bad and are in so much pain that all you can focus on is the intensity of the pain.  Pain can rob you of who you are, what you want to be and bring grieving over your former self. How do you climb out of this pit of despair, hopelessness and helplessness?  For me, I pray.  Sometimes, when I am in such a state, it takes me a while to realize I need to pray and talk with God and read his word.  Please, I'm not preaching, just sharing.  It helps me most.  I have had well-meaning people say God had me break my neck to be a more compassionate person.  Well, they were wrong and didn't even know me.  I've never had anyone say I wasn't compassionate.  So if someone says something to you and it doesn't feel right, there is a reason why.

I have a handicapped plate for my car that I really don't like using or asking for when it's time to renew.  I've never had a problem with my doctor prescribing one for me, and I do appreciate it.  I've learned that I have to feel right with me.  I try hard to look nice and it usually takes 2-3  hours a day.  One day, when I went to the grocery store (which now my husband usually does.), I put my plate up because of the pain and knowing how I would feel coming out of the store.  I had an elderly man yell across the parking lot, "Well, you don't look handicapped to me!"   I turned and yelled back, "Thank you!"

Just stay true to yourself.  It doesn't hurt to keep your sense of humor.  By the way, always use a grocery cart when shopping and if the wheels don't work, just leave it and get another.  Let them know at the checkout where the other cart is and why.  Don't forget, it's usually cold in a grocery store, it helps to layer clothing.  It's not uncommon with fibromyalgia to have a hard time adjusting our   "thermostat" to the rest of the world.  Also, it helps to have a small bottle of water with you.

Another tip is to place any heavy grocery items in the top basket (or child seat) of the grocery cart.  They will be easier to maneuver to the belt when checking out.  Ask them to return the groceries to the top basket of the cart when bagged.  I also organize what needs  refrigerated immediately.  When I return home, I then focus on that.  I place boxes in my trunk and use the "grabber" (see 'Comfort Aids' page) to retrieve groceries.  You don't want to get lost in your trunk.  I try to make my list according to the aisles I use.  When all the cans of food seem overwhelming, I zero in on "groupings."  It helps to focus.  I am rather good at finding chocolate!  One tip when grocery shopping is your list (don't you love them?  If we could only keep them from getting lost!).

2.  Connect!  Connect with family and friends and your doctor!  My family helps me focus on life and keep me motivated.  It helps to distract the all-consuming pain syndrome (that I call it).  Thank God for their love and acceptance.  Pain can make you very isolated.  E-mail, telephone, do whatever you can do to communicate and connect with others (see if a support group is available in your area).   Don't have anyone?  Want to connect with others?  This website will be offering a message board so you can offer your thoughts and connect with others and allow us to connect with you.  Dave will keep you posted on this.  If able, volunteer 1 hour a week, or whatever you can.  Think of whatever talents you have and how you can use them to help others.  For example, a reading volunteer at a school.  Helping others is a powerful tool in coping with pain.  I am on a prayer chain to pray for others through our church.  Keep yourself updated on things going on with the world, for example, politics, sports, entertainment and so on.  Go ahead and ask me anything about our family! :)  Well, better not, but you probably would get a good laugh.  Keep in touch with your doctor always.  Some medications really need monitored and you should keep a brief diary.  I keep little notes on my calendar.  I was taking a medication to help fibromyalgia pain and it was helping the pain but I became very depressed with suicidal thoughts.  Not good.

3.  Get dressed!  I love my big, pink bathrobe!  Try to accomplish one thing a day that makes you feel good.  I called a friend today and it was so nice to finally not put it off, but instead, enjoy our visit.  Pain is a great procrastinator.  Everything takes so much energy when  you are dealing with pain.

Do what you can, and know how important and unique you are.  "Keep on keeping on," because we need you.  I have found people with fibromyalgia to be caring, sensitive and frustrated that they aren't the person they used to be.  If you need professional help in the grieving and adapting process, don't hesitate to get it.  Because, you are in there no matter how bad the pain is.  Talk with your doctor and together work out a home program.  Seek support.  If your home program is not working or your pain and depression is overwhelming, get immediate help.  Just don't ever give up.  LIFE HAS MORE TO OFFER THAN JUST FIBROMYALGIA!

copyright Christine Marschinke, R.N., B.S.N., 2010